Sheltering-in-place: Finding Inner Freedom Through the Non-dominant Hand

In early March, before shelter-in-place became “a thing,” I was already doing it. Having survived a horrible case of the Hong Kong flu in 1968, I didn’t want this virus anywhere near me. I was familiar with the 1918-19 influenza outbreak in Los Angeles. My mother, a preschooler at the time, had carried vivid memories of those terrible times, which she shared with me.

I researched as much information as possible about COVID-19 and, in the process, learned about quarantine strategies that had worked effectively in past pandemics. I learned that San Francisco had been largely spared in 1918 because of a robust quarantine policy put in place right away. When they eased up on it too soon, they were hit hard by a second wave.

Sometime in early March, we began staying at home and only going out for essentials. I had worked at home for all my adult life, when I wasn’t on an occasional book or workshops tour. But this was different. On March 11, I expressed my feelings about voluntarily being at home all day and night and limiting contact with others. Using both hands, I drew this maze-like scribble.

I was able to express the feelings of being contained and protected but at the same time held in. As I drew the concentric circles inside the enclosure, it felt like going around in circles inside the enclosed space. The drawing expressed all the feelings I was having at the prospect of staying at home all the time. We had also been having raining days, so that familiar “stir crazy” sensation of being cooped up inside due to cold, wet weather was there as well.

The next drawing I did was a scribble pattern that felt like the chaos that was being unleashed in the world as COIVD-19 swept across Asia and was making its way down the west coast of the US. After scribbling with both hands for a while, my dominant hand began doing its own thing by coloring in the natural loops created by the scribble pattern. This is an old tried-and-true warm up activity used by art therapists, but now it took on a whole new meaning. This felt like people in quarantine sequestering in their own separate spaces. They were all floating in the chaos, but contained in their own quarters. I wrote the words, “quarantined COVID”.

On the same day I drew what felt like scribbled chaos in orange (using both hands) followed by a brown cage-like grid. Were the cage bars somehow an attempt to contain the chaos? Or were they standing between me and the chaos, protecting me from it? Perhaps both. We know that staying at home protects us, but also protects others if we are carrying the virus.

Writing with my non-dominant hand, I inadvertently misspelled quarantined as quaranteened. Later, I recalled having a serious case of bronchitis when I was seventeen, followed by measles, and having to be in bed for many weeks. The present was triggering a past trauma. This kind of double entendre happens all the time with the non-dominant hand-writing. The unconscious knows what it knows, even if we don’t. And it will “blurt” it out through the non-dominant hand in words and in drawing.

I did many drawings that day, and more scribbling with both hands that looked like quarantine in times of chaos.

By contrast, another drawing done that day was a harbinger of good things to come. A dynamic blue and green container holds a bright, flowing yellow light.

When the official sheltering-in-place announcement was made by our Governor to begin on March 19, I was ready. I saw it as an opportunity to use the extra time on my hands to do journaling. As anyone who knows my work is aware, journaling is my personal therapy, meditative practice, refuge in the storm, and creative incubator. It has certainly been all of that and more during these trying times.

On April 5, after two weeks of the official shelter-in-place mandate, I decided to draw out my feelings about staying at home all day every day. My non-dominant hand grabbed a black marker and started at the center working outward forming a square-ish spiral. From there I continued with brown maze-like lines expanding out from the center spiral. The final black lines on the perimeter felt like an outer protection for the inner space.

This was followed by a two-handed dialogue with the drawing. My dominant hand asked the questions (in brown). My non-dominant hand answered in black.

What are you?
I’m the insides. Your insides. All cooped up inside you. ON this gray dark rainy day. 

How do you feel? 
Grounded. Like when we were kids. Couldn’t go out on rainy days. We felt restless + stir crazy like now, like all these days of staying home. I feel sad, too. 

Why do you feel this way? 
Cuz of COVID19 we are staying home – we’ve been staying put for over 2 weeks now. Even when it’s not raining like today. I miss doing things + going places we always did before. Like going out for lunch or dinner, going to the gym for exercise every week, getting coffee at the coffee shop near the gym – they closed down now. Going to the local shops. Can’t do any of that… I really miss that. 

And I miss seeing all the people in town – friends, shop-keepers, and visiting with them. It’s like a ghost town in town. Empty. Only the bank + grocery stores + gas stations open. 

I’m so glad the ice cream parlor on the west end of town has been open. When we got a cone there last week I though, THIS is definitely a necessity. Ice cream is essential right now. That made me feel happy. If I couldn’t have my ice-blended latte from the coffee shop, I could at least have a coffee ice cream cone! But I had to eat it outside, alone on the sidewalk because everything is take-out these days. And I was the only one on the street. Just me and a couple of cars passing by. 

What can I do to help you? What do you need from me?
Exercise at home on the little trampoline some more. We started that last week but I need to do that more and longer periods of time. I like doing the walking, a little jumping, and dancing on it to music. 

Also, keep letting feelings out by “dancing on paper.” Scribbling and drawing to music in the journal here. And even on big paper. 

Is there anything else?
Yes. Call friends and stay in touch. It’s OK to email, but I like hearing the voices of friends + family + co-worker. Skyping is good, too. 

Also, I miss eating out. So do what you did yesterday and get take out. It’s like “Dining out at home.” And it feels good to help the restaurant folks. It keeps them working. And we have to help each other. That feels really good, especially right now. I’m glad we donated to NOKIDHUNGRY.COM. THE IDEA OF KIDS GOING HUNGRY OR ANYONE GOING HUNGRY REALLY MAKES ME SAD. So donate + help others. That feels better to do that. 

I’m glad we can help others when we do work as a therapist on the phone + Skype. And when we do group calls for CJEA or interviews + podcasts + YouTube videos. Helping others helps me. And sheltering in place helps everyone. 

Lucia

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